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  • © Bob Armstrong

    Global Warming
    © 1997 ,
    Chris Garvey

    To tax, to rule, to take their cut,
    And other deeds infernal,
    The rulers of a people must,
    Point to a threat external.

    For eons war has been their spook,
    Sacrifice justifying,
    OK, while they were killing gooks,
    And poor folks did the dying.

    But thermonuclear armed foes,
    Are less attractive bad guys.
    If only war they could dispose,
    They wouldn't seem such mad

    Their arrogance, to justify,
    Some threat needs to be forming.
    "I know! C O Two -- in the sky!
    Blame that for global warming!"

    The theory goes:
    Surrounding Earth,
    Just like a hothouse glass is
    Carbon Dioxide, holding heat,
    And dubbed now:
    "Greenhouse Gasses".

    As C O two escapes from flues,
    Increasing concentration,
    It holds more of the planet's
    Like better insulation.

    The warmth will melt
    Antarctic's cap
    Of ice into the oceans,
    To flood all coastal cities
    Causing horrible commotion.

    Each match you burn,
    Each step you take,
    Each time you fire a neuron,
    May cause the very oceans' rising
    Up to meet Lake Huron.

    O' what a theory this will be!
    O' what a tyrant's treasure!
    Just think and plan
    What can be banned;
    What Draconian measures!

    The scared cities,
    they will demand
    To ban unneeded burning;
    Then scarcity will bring to hand
    Authoritarian yearnings.

    For why should yokels drive in
    V-8 powered pickups?
    Just ban their ass,
    and premium gas,
    And cows, that breathe and hiccup.

    So scientists were mustered to,
    To prove:
    a heat wave's forming;
    And CO2 -- the bugaboo,
    That's causing global warming.

    They threw vast governmental
    To make supporting data.
    But when the studies had been
    There was no correlator.

    But some inventor * showed them
    The tropics' desert oceans,
    Could bloom and suck up C O two
    If given iron potion.

    The scientists rose to condemn
    His simplistic solution:
    "How dare he find an easy way
    To obviate pollution!?!"

    Then satellites took surface scans
    Across all Mother Earth there;
    But no clear path
    `tween heat and gas
    Could satellites unearth there.

    "The satellites, they must be
    Yes! That must be the trouble!"
    But all the data else-wise gleaned,
    Did burst that wishful bubble.

    Then Doctor Sally, up she spoke:
    "Look here, right in these tree
    There's fourteen-hundred years of
    Correlating three things:

    "When solar output increases,
    The Earth responds by heating;
    And when the Sun goes cooling
    Earth's temperature's decreasing.

    "And C O Two, that bugaboo,
    As cause you would be passing,
    Earth's thermal state,
    Won't correlate -
    There is no greenhouse gassing.

    "In fact, in twenty-fifty-one
    We'll end this warm and nice age;
    When solar cooling has begun
    To start a brand new ice age."

    Just feel, yourselves, when sun
    goes down,
    How you get cooler quickly,
    And when the sun, comes with the
    How you get hot and stickly.

    But Doctor Sally, on the toes,
    Of her employ'rs was stepping
    Her forthright chants
    Endangered grants,
    They found that most distressing.

    "Now Sally dear, let us not hear
    you blame the warming star-ward;
    And if you must, our theory bust,
    Don't use the name of Harvard."

    "For academic freedom's fine
    And you can be our honey,
    But we cannot allow your speech
    To cost us federal money."

    "Yes, we get paid to seek the grail
    Of greenhouse correlation;
    Your facts, the train,
    they would derail,
    toward global legislation."

    "And though it might be tempting
    Rise up, for to deplore you,
    It's probably a better bet
    For us to just ignore you."

    From Rio still there echo cries
    for global legislation,
    Which wouldn't pass if folks
    just comes from insolation.

    And still the press promotes as fact
    The hoax of global warming,
    In hope to justify the new
    world order that is forming.

    © Christopher B. Garvey * John Martin of the Moss Landing Marine Laboratories in California: "Give me half a tanker full of iron and I'll give you another ice age."

    K.CoSy NoteComputing Environment
    Rapid Econometric Modeling

    Contact : Bob Armstrong ; About this page : bob@cosy.com ; 212.285.1864
    Coherent Systems / 42 Peck Slip 4b/ New York NY 10038.1725
    Note : I reserve the right to post all communications I receive or generate to CoSy website for further reflection .
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